CrabDiving Podcast News Stories Archives - CrabDiving

CrabDiving – Mon 111521 – Alex Jones Lost Another Lawsuit For His Evil Sandy Hook Truther B.S.

crabdiving — Tue, 16 Nov 2021 13:27:18 +0000

NATO warned Russia about troop movements at the Ukraine border. Creepy crooner Marilyn Manson locked women in a small, sound-proof glass box. Blotch-Nazi Bannon surrendered to the FBI on a contempt of Congress charge. Former corrupt Governor Chris Christie said fascist former FLOTUS Melanie called him every day he was laid-up with COVID. For no good reason, the weapons charge against Kyle Rittenhouse was tossed. Former Trump-minions Pompeo and Mnuchin discussed using the 25th Amendment to remove Shitler from the White House. Milo Yiannopoulos, now that he’s “ex-gay” and “Christian,” is hawking Catholic iconography on the Church Militant’s YouTube shopping network. Outraged about the creation of an “RNC Pride Coalition,” anti-LGBTQ religious-right activist Tony Perkins demands that Ronna McDaniel resign.

For this and other archived episodes of CrabDiving,

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CrabDiving – Tue 102020 – Stupid and Corrupt Trump Campaign Blew A Billion Dollars & Breonna Taylor Juror Speaks

crabdiving — Wed, 21 Oct 2020 03:21:16 +0000

The stupid and corrupt Trump campaign blew a billion dollars in what will most likely be a failed reelection bid. Shitler won’t increase testing capacity in the U.S. even though the cash to pay for it is already set aside. A Breonna Taylor grand juror blew the whistle on prosecutors saying they were misleading the public about the case. SCOTUS denied the evil GOP’s request to cut short the extension for mail-in-ballots in Pennsylvania. Crappy FLOTUS canceled a hate-really appearance. The Donald begged blob Bill Barr to go after the Deep State. Evangelical load Pat Robertson stupidly prophesied a victory for the Rapist-In-Chief immediately followed by the apocalypse. A village in India has been terrorized by man-eating tigers. Insane-in-the-membrane hate-caster Alex Jones bellowed lies about Hunter Biden’s involvement in a video where kids are tortured. A Miami cop was busted wearing a Trump face mask at a polling place. Tiffany Trump seemed wasted when she spoke on behalf of her creepy dad at an LGBTQ event. A lab in California announced the shark population has increased by a factor of three. Dems could win both Senate seats in Georgia. A MAGAT absconded with a Confederate Flag situated next to a Trump campaign because the loon thought it made PEEOTUS look racist. New Yorker contributor Jeffrey Toobin mistakenly flashed shaft during a Zoom meeting and promptly lost all his gigs. JEEBUS freak Rick Wilson caterwauled if Biden wins in November, he shouldn’t be sworn in January 2021.

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CrabDiving – Wed 060320 – Steve King Lost His Primary In Iowa & Mattis Calls Trump A Threat To The Constitution

crabdiving — Thu, 04 Jun 2020 02:53:35 +0000

Steve King lost his primary in Iowa and the air was instantly sweeter. DC cops decided to “kettle” peaceful protesters to get their authoritarian sadism on. Adult President Obama held a town hall about racism in America. New York thugs in blue and National Guard came out hard on peaceful protesters and journalists. Man-baby lied when he said he fled to the White House bunker during the protests to inspect it. A poll showed most Americans support the protesters and disapprove of the orange loser’s response. Defense Secretary Esper changed his story regarding the Rapist-in-Chief’s photo op at the church across the way from the White House saying he wasn’t aware the Creamsicle Czar was going to bizarrely pose with the Bible. The Crabs offered mad props to the DC hero who opened his home to upwards of 50 protesters fleeing angry, sinister law enforcement orcs.

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The Daily Upper Decker – Thu 060816 – RIP Muhammad Ali & Baseball Gets Punchy

crabdiving — Sat, 11 Jun 2016 00:57:06 +0000

On this installment of The Daily Upper Decker, comic Adam Feuerberg joins the dreamy Brady Matthews and Tommy Gimler, and the D.U.D guys discuss the passing of Muhammad Ali, Kimbo Slice, the NFL’s Twitter account getting hacked, Aqib Talib possibly shooting himself, Major League Baseball being watchable when the players are punching each other, Giants pitcher Madison Bumgarner in the Home Run Derby, the Stanford asshole who only got six months of prison time after raping a girl, and a very special “Fact or Fudge” dedicated to the recent legendary athletes who decided to quit on life. A new episode of this hilarious sports podcast drops weekly on the CrabDiving Network.

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Salinas, CA Police Get Scary New Armored Vehicle for Citizens’ “Protection”

Patrick Viall — Tue, 24 Dec 2013 22:55:19 +0000

The Police Department of Salinas, California recently received a big, giant gift, courtesy of the US Army, and they proudly dropped the force’s camouflage trou to let it all hang out on display for the department’s Facebook page.

Does this creep out anyone else?

How different is this from a standing military?

The new toy is “a 37,000-pound armored truck that was once used by the military in Iraq and Afghanistan will now be used by the Salinas Police Department for SWAT team operations.”

Meanwhile, SWAT team usage has dramatically increased, and seems to be used as an investigative tool in some jurisdictions. Flash bangs, kick in the doors, shoot the little yapping dog, etc.

Do you think that stuff increases or minimizes the odds of crap hitting the fan?

Plus, sometimes it’s the wrong house. Oops.

I’m far from being the tinfoil hat type, but those voices that have been complaining about the increased militarization of police have been making me wonder if it’s time to enact legislation to make sure we police the police.

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The Obamas Have No White Children

crabdiving — Mon, 26 Aug 2013 20:30:58 +0000

Misinformation site The Daily Caller (pinhead Tucker Carlson’s right-wing e-rag) runs a story about the Obamas’ new puppy. Here’s the last two lines:

“With the addition of Sunny, the Obamas now have two black Portuguese water dogs.

The Obamas do not have any white dogs.”

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Elton the Gay Dog in Tennessee

Patrick Viall — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 20:22:48 +0000

As discussed at length during the 23rd CrabDiving Comedy Podcast, a pooch in Tennessee was dropped off at a shelter to be euthanized because it is “gay”.

The piece of shit, obvious-closet-case owner saw the dog humping another male and decided he didn’t want that homo hound in his house.

In his defense, because it has more than two syllables, I get why Billy Wayne Mouthbreather wouldn’t be able to understand the term “dominance”.

The shelter put a picture of the dog – along with his story – on the Facebook, and they ended up receiving thousands of messages and calls. Within hours of his scheduled execution, the pitbull mix was adopted into a good – and apparently LGBT friendly – home.

A veterinary technician ended up adopting the dog and named him “Elton”… too fucking funny.

The shelter reminds everyone that there are a lot of other dogs out there – both gay and straight – in need of homes.

A CrabDiving Golden Crab Cool Person Award to Elton’s new owner!

…and a sincere wish that his previous one gets severe, lifelong hemorrhoids.

Gay dog outed!

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