CRABNATION SHOW ARCHIVES
JAN – FEB 2014
(back to –> CrabNation Archives)
CrabNation February 2014:
Friday, February 28, 2014 – CrabNation takes time in this episode to explain why Ken Ham and his plan to construct an “ark” is totally stupid. The Crabs also wrestle with these other dummies: an Exxon big-wig doesn’t want a fracking operation in his conservative, golfing, white hamlet; corporations enjoy record low tax breaks while the homeless sleep outside in record low temperatures; the GOP really knows how to ruin a veteran’s bill; according to rumors supported by nothing, Hillary Clinton will be too sick to run in 2016; cops should always be on camera so they don’t beat people. Finally, damn it’s cold in Greenbay!
Thursday, February 27, 2014 – On this installment of CrabNation, Pat and Ryan give mad props to the white homo demons running loose in New York. The following stupid stories are also covered: Governor Jan-Too-Tan-Brewer throws the gays a sad, little white bone by vetoing the anti-gay – AKA “religious freedom” – bill; Big Agra in Idaho is trying to criminalize animal cruelty activism; Paula Deen feels just like that “black guy that came out as gay”; autographed copies of Mein Kampf are being auctioned; Ukraine be crazy. Finally, a “Crabby Shocker Alert” – Georgia Guvnah, Nathan Deal, doesn’t see a problem with having the “stars and bars” featured on a license plate.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014 – Download this episode of CrabNation for a little right-wing art appreciation as we analyze President George Walker Bush’s fascination with dogs and feet. We also talk about the following crap: Pat Robertson shocks the world with more homophobic blathering; Pat shares his favorite Shakespearian insults; smile you’re on Candid Camera, copper; CrabNation gets behind former Starfleet Commander, George Takei’s stance against Arizona’s anti-gay politics; the President of Ukraine makes a break for it with his bedroom set; and lastly, is this the bitter end for Bitcoin?
Monday, February 24, 2014 – The Olympics are over and the Crabs give their official round-up of the Sochi sports-fest; RIP Harold Ramis; the crabs muse over the oft-shirtless Russian leader’s nipple maintenance; We don’t know f*ck-all about the Canadian government; south-side Chicago restaurateur closes his doors because things got a little too dark for his racists tastes; Alec Baldwin recounts the horror of working with shite-for-brains Shia LaBeouf; Lady Romney is for too liquid to give a decent h.j. Lastly, not that it’s news to anyone, but Arizona is truly the “State Of Zeno-phobia”.
Thursday, February 20, 2014 – As Ukraine burns, CrabNation brings you the following headlines: Miley dines on a thong, a porn company decides to go raw-dog in post; an ex-general claims god is returning strapped specifically with an AR-15; Russia bans lace panties; ex-con Tom Delay says god wrote the constitution. Lastly, Georgia lets churches and bars decide for themselves if they would like their patrons and parishioners bellying up to the bar or the alter packing heat.
Monday, February 17, 2014 – On this episode of CrabNation, Ryan phones in from the road whilst Pat and Kate man CrabDiving Studios. The following shenanigans are discussed: solar energy is easier on the environment than fracking; despite being a child-killer, George Zimmerman also features a horrible personality; big ups to Charlie Sheen on his imminent marriage to porn star, Brett Rossi; a serpent handling preacher refuses treatment for a snake bite and croaks; the current top five songs topping the U.S. charts are celebrated; we take a stroll down DNA-memory lane with the former President Clinton filator, Monica Lewinsky. Lastly, Las Vegas tourists are fat and scary.
Thursday, February 13, 2014 – The weather outside is frightful but CrabNation finds some of the following current events delightful: cereal model and Olympian Bruce Jenner wants to be Bridget; Comcast and Time Warner Cable are about to embark on a real “Frankenstein” of a marriage; Dale Hanson, Dallas sportscaster, smacks down anti-gay idiots commenting on baller Michael Sam; WSJ editor James Taranto says drunk college girls are complicit in rape; fashion industry CEO tells US poor to suck it up cuz they’d be rich in India. Speaking of India, a man-eating tiger is on the prowl.
Friday, February 7, 2014 – This just in:Selena says Justin Bieber is a bad influence and vice versa, plus these topics: Biden cracks wise over the sad state of LaGuardia Airport; Oklahoma restaurateur bans people of color, homosexuals and anyone receiving public aid from patronizing his place of business – check out his line of stupid T-shirts if you don’t believe him; Pat Robertson’s outdated, defunct view of science is more progressive than Ken Ham’s; dude becomes paralyzed from a port-a-potty prank; the Sochi Olympics are totally sucking. Lastly, our society is so white-centric, Subway adds a chemical to their bread to make it appear even more white.
Thursday, February 6, 2014 – We kick off this episode of CrabNation with a scathing review of the accommodations at the Sochi Olympics. The following is also discussed: yesterday’s middle class is today’s poor; CrabNation endorses American Idol star Clay Aiken on his run for congress in North Carolina; ironically, Ken Ham is a ridiculous fossil; arrests are made in connection with the death of Big Lebowski star, Philip Seymour Hoffman; John Boehner is an orange jerk; The Crabs give it up for Pussy Riot.
Monday, February 3, 2014 – CrabNation laments the fact that Philip Seymour Hoffman is no longer of this world and yet, Bieber lives. Kevin Garbee, the actor from the “Doberhuahua Audi” Super Bowl ad calls the show and gives us a behind-the-scenes account of the commercial. Also, the Crabs discuss the following noteworthy headlines: gun restrictions are upheld as constitutional; castaway survives a year at sea on raw birds and turtle blood; Kansas semen donor is whacked with child support for his sold load; Bill O’Reilly is a douche.
CrabNation January 2014:
Friday, January 31, 2014 – “Wace-Mixing” as described by a bigoted eight year old with a slight speech impediment along with Game’s plan to beat the living shite out of the child killing monster, George Zimmerman headline this episode of CrabNation. We also rip into these fun topics: House Republican Conference Chair Rep AKA “big fat liar”, Cathy McMorris gets a public shaming from the Crabs; the Keystone Pipeline suxs; Chris Christie will surely land on “Go To Jail”; Wal-Mart and their employees suffer from a cut in food stamps. Finally, in religion behaving badly, a Congressman bitches about a Mosque being allowed to build a cemetery.
Thursday, January 30, 2014 – CrabNation whips out some executive orders of their own and slaps a certain Utah school lunch official with the “c-word”. Also, your favorite stoner, liberal, atheists, have signed a petition to have Justin Bieber sent back to the Canucks (we really didn’t sign it but we should have). Plus the following: Gohmert’s for skin in the game; Chris Christie’s non-bikini bridge hiccup leaves Mike Huckabee as the clear front runner for the Republican presidential nominee for 2016 according to a Politico pole…puke; Shia LaBeouf and meta-modernism can seriously sux it. Finally, for the official CrabNation Super Bowl pick via a couple of psychic sea-cows, download this episode.
Monday, January 27, 2014 – Download this episode to hear the absolute craziest Glenn Beck clip ever. We also discuss the following: the mayor of Sochi declares his city “gay-free”; New Zealand spear fisherman gets attacked by a shark then makes a “b-line” to the pub; one percent-er and Sith Lord, Thomas Perkins claims the wealthy are being persecuted just as the Jews were in Nazi Germany; plus, we discuss the future of the sex toy industry.
Thursday, January 23, 2014 – CrabNation dispenses with the following funny crap: Bieber’s D.U.I bust; for being a good student, a nine year old African American child is awarded a Confederate hat; once again, give it up for Antonin Scalia for being on the wrong side of history; crying ham-faced, dapper Glenn Beck blames himself for the deep political divide in the U.S. Finally, a certain C-word is celebrated.
Thursday, January 16, 2014 – Bieber a felon for shelling neighbor? GOP Rep. channels the Big Guy. Right wingnut celeb shrink Keith Ablow thinks texting caused that theater shooting. Chris Christie in deeper doo doo. Ryan is Darth Vader and Pat’s Princess Leia. TONS MORE!
Monday, January 13, 2014 – CrabNation gives “two claws up” for a pro-choice win in Arizona. The crabs also discuss A-Rod’s bout with magical gummy bears along with the following news stories; a bunch of Southwest passengers luckily don’t end up in Branson; Atheist philanthropist can’t give it away; Bieber could face felony egg flinging charges. Finally, a RWNJ thinks Barack will mos def fake an assassination attempt because…why wouldn’t he?
Thursday, January 9, 2014 – On this episode of CrabNation, Pat and Ryan discuss the artistic merit of an artist that paints with her yahs-yahs. We also chew upon the following: Chris Christie seems to be stuck in “bridge-pose”; Colorado makes weed totally legal and pricey; Mein Kampf is ranking as an ebook; Scottish stag skewers a really tall woman. And BTW, Aaron Shock is gay gay gay.
Monday, January 6, 2014 – It’s Blue Monday which means the holidays are officially over and it’s high-time to rage about following: the Koch brothers want their evil lizard minions to teach economics in American universities and colleges; everybody is freezing doing the “Polar Thrust”; a Christian minister gets fired for experimenting with Atheism; The Little Sisters Of the Poor are up to shenanigans; Las Vegas and air travel is being ruined by crotch-spawn. Finally, there are 900 gay-married couples in Utah. Who knew!
Thursday, January 2, 2014 – CrabNation brings in 2014 with a love doll lunar launching, recreational weed sales in Colorado and we discuss some extra special white trash baby names. Plus, the following is raged upon: Phil Robertson of Ducky Dynasty endorses child-rape and gets in the gun biz; some mayor residing in the great, red state of Texas declares 2014 the Year of the Bible; a library rejects a monetary donation from an atheist group; Mayor Rob Ford goes big and starts a re-election campaign. Finally, South Carolina politicians back a bill calling for mandatory, Taliban-style forced daily prayer in school… and they’re Democrats. WTF.