CRABNATION SHOW ARCHIVES
OCT – NOV – DEC 2013
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CrabNation December 2013:
Monday, December 30, 2013 – Pat and Ryan discuss why it would be better to have the Olympics in Miami rather than Russia plus we chat about these hot items: Bieber is sad that his stupid movie tanked; Country music star, Toby Keith has outraged Virginians by not allowing firearms in his horrible restaurant; Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, and Toronto Mayor and fun-guy, Rob Ford are voted biggest political losers of 2013. Lastly, the Republicans seem to be anti-fact #Benghaz!
Thursday, December 26, 2013– Pat starts the show off with some classic south-side Chicago Christmas stories and then we get serious with the following topics: the Piranha River is the perfect setting for a “When Animals Get Pissed” segment; the excrement is starting to the hit the fan for right-wing heavy, Governor Chris Christie; the Voice of CrabNation calls in drunk from her trunk. And most importantly, we learn all about the time Pat puked on a train and when Ryan barfed in a urinal.
Monday December 23, 2013 – We kick the show off with an “If Elvis Had Lived” segment and follow it up with a bunch of funny crap: Crackle Barrel is horrible; guess who’s a hetero-phobic bully; P.R. spokesperson, Justine Sacco, teaches us how to lose a job with a solitary Tweet; gay marriage is all the rage.
Thursday December 19, 2013– CrabNation fires snarky salvos at Duck Dynasty’s front man Phil Robertson for being a gross homophobe. We also chat about the following: dude uses a “McGlock” to persuade a McDonald’s manager to give him an job application; Rob Ford advises that women just want cash for Xmas; the crabs explore the faiths that play “second fiddle” to Christianity; 98% of all chicken breasts contain tons of bacteria; big, fat Rush Limbaugh honestly believes he should Co-Man Of the Year alongside the Pope .
Monday, December 16, 2013 – The CrabNation saga continues with NSA chatter and musings upon the following: a Redneck Riviera bear attack; Junior is abandoned for T & A; Uruguay is oh so 420 friendly; we discover our mental ages; sharks, sharks and more sharks
Thursday, December 12, 2013 – What up Crabbers! Coming to you live from the assault upon Xmas, we learn from Megyn Kelly that Santa Claus is indeed white, and then we navigate the following stupid waters: Herman Cain’s character in a comic book series is way ripped; a privileged, rich, white kid kills four as a result of a scorching case of “Affluenza”; Ted Cruz is the Man Of the Year in the swollen, pudgy eyes of Glenn Beck; Boehner c-slaps his fellow circus clowns; Pat is knocked over by a butterfly fart upon learning that Susan Boyle has Asberger’s. Lastly, a country ruled over by a former disc jockey suffers a plague outbreak.
Monday, December 9, 2013 – This episode of CrabNation was recorded live from the front-lines of the wars against Christmas, religion and ganja. Light up a fatty and take cover as we discuss the following: the most awesome person ever is erecting a Festivus pole made of PBR empties to be displayed in front of a Florida courthouse; Sarah Palin defends Xmas as she barely grasps the concept of a “double standard’; Satanists are erecting a monument honoring “The Prince Of Darkness” and we don’t mean Ozzy. Lastly, who knew the “Women’s Xtian Temperance Union” even existed and why do they wanna kill everybody’s buzz?
Thursday, December 5, 2013 – Listen in as CrabNation covers the non-existent war on Xmas as well as the following: America wants Congress to pee in a cup; Dickens enthusiast and Czar of Maine, Paul LePage wants children punching a time-clock; Amsterdam is putting drunks to work and pays with sauce; eHarmony lists 15 reasons to date a comedian and they’re all stupid; instead of raising the minimum wage, U.S. Rep Joe Barton wants it repealed. Finally, the Crabs ask Santa for a copy Glenn Beck’s upcoming Xmas album.
Monday, December 2, 2013 – On this Thanksgiving post mortem episode of CrabNation, the following is chewed upon: vaginal sweater knitting; the end of racism; Brittany Spears is 32; the pedophiles are coming, the pedophiles are coming! Finally, if you are black, it turns out the authorities in Rochester, NY are pretty particular as to how and where you stand on the sidewalk.
CrabNation November 2013:
Thursday, November 28, 2013 – Happy Thanksgiving everybody! CrabNation takes a “holy day” and plays a re-run of our 10/10/13 episode.
Monday, November 25, 2013 – Despite a heavy drizzling of rain in Los Angeles, CrabNation perseveres and gives birth to another ugly, deformed, streaming internet-radio baby. Also, the following is raged upon: evidenced by the myriad of food pics hipsters post on Facebook, Americans have 0.0 ounces of empathy; the infamous Prick-Caso whips out his fleshy brush and squirts brilliance all over canvases for thousands of dollars a “pop”; Pat compares Glenn Beck to Diana Ross; Obama reaches an agreement with the Ayatollah who may or may not have a pretty sweet hot tub; rich billionaires are bitten in the taint by their support of religious-right-wing-nutballs; was Ted Cruz born of “The Bog Of Eternal Stench”?
Thursday, November 21, 2013 – CrabNation goes nuc-u-lear left wing style as the Crabs critique Harry Reid’s public speaking skills. G “Dub-yah” finally takes a break from painting his toe nails and accepts money to speak to some antisemitic busy-bodies. A fisherman in a kayak goes Medieval on a black tip shark in a battle that spans seven miles. Finally, surprise surprise surprise – Texas and New Mexico are working hard to abort abortion once and for all. Have a drink and listen.
Monday, November 18, 2013 – The Crabs score a killer interview with political hit man and author, Roger Stone. The longtime Washington insider talks with CrabNation about his new book regarding the assassination of a president: “The Man Who Killed Kennedy”. Also, Roger tags Governor Jesse Ventura and Miley Cyrus as the inside favorites to win worst dressed of 2013.
Thursday, November 14, 2013 – It’s another bi-coastal episode of CrabNation as Ryan calls into the CrabDiving Studios from the redneck riviera AKA the “taint” of America as deemed by Pat. We get our “lunatic” on as we do an extended review of Rob Ford musings as well a timely report on the Kurt Russell star vehicle, “Big Trouble In Little China”. Finally – shocker alert – we vote “yes” on a minimum guaranteed income.
Monday, November 11, 2013 – CrabNation is broadcasting via the east and west coast on this conservative-bashing episode. Listen in as we discuss these topics: Rick Perry and Chris-Never-Late-For-Dinner-Christie have a who’s right-wing-wang is bigger contest; horrific homophobe David Wilson pulls a “Soul Man” as he runs for political office in, you guessed it, Texas; Mily Cyrus fires up an onstage “J”. Last but not least, Ryan’s Dad urges the Crabs to seek out broadcasting advice from the great Mike Papantonio.
Thursday, November 7, 2013 – The CrabNation saga continues as we examine the top ten redneck cities in the U.S., as well as the ten safest cities from hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, etc. Speaking of natural disasters, we learn all about Bieber’s Brazilian brothel visit, and the following are discussed ad nauseum: it could be your inalienable right to snap upksirt pics; a high school track star won’t run under the number “666”; an actor stabs himself with a non-prop knife; Murica doesn’t want Arabic taught in their schools; and Rob Ford defends against a two-front crack attack.
Monday, November 4, 2013 – Welcome to the DRUNK SHOW: Antonin Scalia is a jerk; Rick “Hair-Man” Perry desperately files an emergency appeal to close abortion clinics; according to Pat, Justin Bieber is a tiny puckered nasty little a-hole; the Voice of CrabNation calls in with a tremendous hangover and educates us on the latest malt liquor energy drink. Finally, in the last “bonus hour” the Crabs get white-boy wasted and douse the latest and greatest headlines in delicious scotch.
CrabNation October 2013:
Thursday, October 31, 2013 – On the Halloween episode, the Crabs open up the show with a critique of the Jesus-glam-band, Stryper and enjoy a side Tom Delay calamari. Also, why is every douche in Hollywood dressed up as Miley Cyrus? Joan Rivers and Johnny Carson are infinitely more talented than Jay Leno. Give it up for Glenn Beck’s current man crush. Finally, which do you prefer “Twinks” or “Bears”?
Monday, Ocotober 28, 2013 – Listen as CrabNation gives tribute to the late talker-rocker, Lou Reed and the following crap is also dispatched: Chris Brown is up to more violent shenanigans; Bieber’s latest song is a total sux-fest; a bra that tweets; the strangeness of the 2013 World Series; Alex Jones believes the Obama Rose Garden speech fainter was a false-flag; Fido sets fire to his apartment in a desperate attempt to snag some unfortunately placed treats; Glenn Beck is still a big fat ham face.
Thursday, October 24, 2013 – Download this episode of CrabNation to learn the dangers of shopping while Black in Barneys of New York, plus we discuss the following: oarfish are telling us that the big one is nigh; geeked up pigeons; register what you pedal but not your pistol; Nigeria hates Ted Cruz as much we do; working out while boozing is good; block AIDS with yummy breast milk. Plus, during “When Animals Get Pissed”, a boxer goes mano-a-mako.
Monday October 21, 2013 – Get on the party-bus with the Crabs as they discuss the following: the blistering post shutdown hangover the country may or may not be feeling; a couple of murderers escape from prison the smart way; an infamous Somali pirate gets busted due to his thirst for fame rather than booty; Switzerland wants to guarantee a living wage to their citizens; Uruguay is in the weed biz; oh yeah, there’s a couple more shootings in the news but we don’t need no stinking gun control; ARod loves hookers big-time.
Thursday October 17, 2013 – The shutdown is over and CrabNation is laying the blame for the $24 billion debacle at the stupid, redneck feet of the idiot teabaggers. Glenn Beck checks in with his typical ham-faced moron-i-tude. Deep in the annals of rural Idaho, in a dive called Joe’s Hole, a small town politician whips out his member in a bar fight. Finally, even Pat Robertson, professional RWNJ, is embarrassed of the grand ole party.
Monday October 14, 2013 – On the Monday CrabNation, we angry libs rage about the following: Louie Gohmert wants to impeach Obama for the shutdown that his people caused; Chinese are donning gimp masks at the beach; California is making it easy-peasy to abort; shocker alert – two shark attack stories on CrabNation as well as a bear attack; and police dogs in L.A. have a taste for minorities.
Thursday October 10, 2013 – We talk about the GOP shutdown; what polls better than Republicans these days; Miley; Britney; the tops of the charts in the US, Japan, Germany and more!
Monday October 7, 2013 – This time, Pat and Ryan do a little globe trotting and we get to know just how purely god awful the rest of the world views American tourists. We have another “When Animals Get Pissed” segment where we learn that not following proper tiger protocol can cost you an arm. The Voice of CrabNation calls in with a lesbian Disney tale and of course, the GOP suxs balls.
Thursday October 2, 2013 – Laugh and rage with us over the shutdown; the drunkest countries; the Confederate flag goes up; CrabNation gives a big fat thumbs down to the current top five U.S. pop songs; Katie Perry is indeed hotter than Miley Cyrus.