Hot dogs are more dangerous than sharks according to the pro Jaws lobby over at The Meta Picture. The hipster pic site also listed lightening, hippos, ants, even fu*king vending machines as being more lethal to humans than deadly dinosaur fish. I guess a lard ass from the Twin Cities gets his Butterfinger lodged and somehow the enormous simpleton is crushed beneath a coin operated appliance that spits out Monsanto munchies. Which, BTW, has to be preferable to being drowned and devoured by a hammerhead.
Meta Picture is also telling me that 600 pervs per year auto-erotic asphyxiate themselves to the other side. Again, more self-pleasurable than a mako mauling. If you don’t believe me, just ask Greg Pickering. Greg was nearly killed when attacked by a great white in Australia. This genius was diving for abolone, AKA snails, and was almost great white-gummed to death. I’m sure this dude foraging for underwater mollusks would’ve rather had his life flash before his stupid eyes whilst battling Bambi. Did you know that deer kill 130 mouth-breathers annually?
I get it M.P. Shark attacks snuff out only 5 people in a 12 month span and aren’t nearly as prevalent as death by obesity, which kills 30,000 porkers per year. However, I’d opt to die with a chocolate ding dong clutched in my chubby digits with an errant icicle (100 Russians / yr) stuck zombie-style into my brain rather than being one of the few unlucky sonuvabitches that ends up on the sad end of a shark tale. But I get your point.
For more on shark attacks, tune into CrabNation Live!
