Ron DeSantis will try to convince 2024 voters he doesn’t suck. A doctor from Johns Hopkins said COVID-19 will be mostly gone by April of this year. Faux News anchor Bill Hemmer warned cancel culture might come for Bible characters next. “Democratic” Senator Manchin said he was a “no” vote for Neera Tandem’s cabinet nomination. Conserv-a-jerk Lauren Boebert blathered ignorant crap about the Constitution via Twitter. An adult judge suspended a forced-birth law in South Carolina. MAGAT life coach Brenden Dilley offered cruel and insane advice to a dude who gave his girlfriend coronavirus. Former Trumpkin attorney Lin Wood announced he would never accept Biden as POTUS. JEEBUS wanker Josh Bernstein moronically proclaimed cold-dead Rush Limbaugh to be as significant to America as George Washington and George Patton. A sky-god prophetess earned lunacy badges from CrabDiving by claiming she was guarded by 150-foot angels. The biblical warlock also suggested missiles shoot from our mouths during prayer that blow-up Satan. Coach Dave blamed weather manipulation machines for the deadly deep freeze in Texas. A preacher wrongly predicted Rush would be cancer, womp-womp. Finally, on Faithless Friday, the Crabs learned Kim and Kanye are splitting up.
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