The final countdown to Barr’s redacted Mueller report has commenced and the Crabs are advising their progressive following to temper their expectations. An Israeli flight attendant slipped into a coma after contracting the measles and we can certainly blame dweeb antivaxxers. Trump has ditched the traditional weekly lunch betwixt POTUS and VPOTUS. Presidential hopeful Pete Buttigieg had to deal with moronic homophobic hecklers at Iowa campaign events. Speaking of homophobes, creepy FOX load Tucker Carlson uttered weird, fluid-oriented remarks about Mayor Pete. We learned the racist a-hole that burned down three black churches in Louisiana will be charged with hate crimes. Christo-twunts in Alabama are trying to outlaw all abortions cuz jeebus. Sky-god loons claim they saw the son of their god in the Notre Dame flames, womp womp. Nazi freakette Laura Ingraham received well-deserved backlash over ignorant, racist statements about the late rapper Nipsey Hussle. An anti-choice dingus said women shouldn’t be allowed to have abortions because the country is running out of babies. New prosecutor Kim Foxx said she would expunge marijuana convictions in Chicago. Mississippi makes you pay if you don’t want a license plate featuring the Stars and Bars. Shitler isn’t appointing anyone to a U.N. committee on racism. Patriots owner and Trumpalo Bob Kraft blocked the release a video showing the NFL mogul possibly getting a handy. Finally, Pat and Ryan dispelled the myth that Jesus’ foreskin currently exists.
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