CrabDiving – Fri 032715 – AZ Tea Party Loony Wants Mandatory Church, Mike Pence A Putz, Glenn Beck Enters Thunderdome

On #FaithlessFriday, the Crabs cover the following stories: it turns out copilots should never be without company; jerk-off Governor Mike Pence takes a well deserved Twitter reaming; who knew MSNBC feared the wrath of country music fans; Glenn Beck is engaged in a thunderdome like combat with the GOP where three men enter and only one man leaves; Bibleman banished from the schools of Tennessee; mandatory church is a wet-dream for an Arizona Tea-Loony. Finally, Pat and Ryan cover the horrendous top five songs in ‘Murica per Billboard, as well as an even more offensive, anti-gay ruling from a shithead judge in Texas.

AZ State Sen Sylvia Allen Mandatory Church - CrabDiving


The Hollywood Hick – Tue 032415 – Empire Finale (*SPOILERS*), Wonder Woman Needs Big Ones

A trip to Knott’s Berry Farm theme park brought maniacal laughter to a Hick; Suge Knight passed out when the judge smacked him with $25 million bail; TMZ really didn’t need to play the 911 call from David Crosby from when he hit a dude with his car; Univision guy fired for First Lady “Planet of the Apes” comment was also trying to “Norma Rae” the company; Wonder Woman plain and simple needs two, big titties; Lil Twist is cray cray and in a shit ton of trouble. And ***SPOILERS ALERT*** Brent can’t hold back any more on summarizing and reviewing the season finale of Empire, complete with “the best cliffhanger since Dynasty when the rebels came in and shot up the Moldavian wedding.”

empire promo - The Hollywood Hick

CrabDiving – Thu 032615 – Cruz Ain’t Galileo, Willie Nelson Weed, Takei Gives Pence A Tongue Lashing

On Thursday, the Crabs deliver the following headlines: no one seems to be tolerating Indiana’s intolerance; a foreskin intactivist launches a “prick-starter” campaign skin to end schlong snipping; Willie Nelson will not be the Walmart of weed; Keith Olbermann gets medieval on Indiana’s anti-LGBT laws; college basketball teams are employing chaplains on the taxpayer dime; Ted Cruz fancies himself a Galileo type #not; relax, twelve year-olds, One Direction will exist without Zayn Malik. Finally, the Crabs raise their progressive pinchers in salute to George Takei for the scathing words the ex-Starfleet Captain dispensed upon ninny homophobe Governor, Mike Pence.

George Takei boycotts Indiana

CrabDiving – Wed 032515 – Glenn Beck Zombie Notes, Furious 7 Resurrects Paul Walker, Takei Boycotts Indiana

On this episode of the Crabs, Pat and Ryan get their idiot translators on as they review the blatherings of RWNJ Phil Robertson and Glenn Beck. They also cover these stories: Mira Sorvino and Cybill Shepherd star in some sad-sack Jesus fellating version of “Crash”; Furious 7 uses the power of Peter Jackson to digitally resurrect Paul Walker; not every Japanese person wants to smell like a Whopper but every person that smells like a Whopper is Japanese; Sulu steering clear of Indiana and urges others to do the same; a Texas GOP Congressman chided online for theocratic nonsense; Mone Davis is an evolved pitcher and human; Iceland builds a temple in honor of a comic book hero. Finally, Jeb Bush just ain’t Jesus-y enough.

George Takei boycott Indiana if anti-gay law passes