The GOP Senate blocked the Green New Deal cuz they’re illiterate ninnies. Empire actor Jussie Smollett appeared in an emergency hearing and all charges related to the hate crime scandal were dropped by prosecutors. Trump minion Bill Barr’s summary of the Mueller Report is reminiscent of the lies told by Dick Cheney and co. about WMD’s in Iraq back in the day. We learned the Supreme Court is split down party lines regarding gerrymandering. Dickensian troll Betsy DeVos unsuccessfully defended spending cuts to the Special Olympics and special education. Cocaine Mitch pulled theatrics by staging a pointless vote on the Green New Deal proposal. A judge in Wisconsin poo-pooed ridic state Republican power-grab bills. Maxine Waters is quite satisfied with the Deutsche Bank’s cooperation involving an investigation into Shitler’s financials. A dude from Thailand attempted to smuggle snakes, fancy turtles, and other reptiles into India. A cop fleeing a rabid fox accidentally shot himself in the chest. A prehistoric monster gator was relocated from a golf course. A heroic jet skier saved surfers from a giant shark attack. A-hole anti-vaxxers in New York state caused a measles outbreak, cuz stupid.
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