Sessions dissed Hawaii and the Crabs took time during their political podcast to poo-poo America’s top law enforcement dick. The Crabs learned Dildo’Reilly is getting a 25 million dollar payout, along with a pink slip. It was confirmed the Korean peninsula was never part of China, no matter what Shitler was allegedly told by the leader of China. RWNJ Alex Jones continued to act unhinged in court during child custody hearings. Speaking of the InfoWars czar, Jones also admitted to smoking weed once a year, in a effort to study the strength of medical marijuana. While commenting on Twilter’s muslim ban, our Attorney General referred to Hawaii as an island in the pacific that shouldn’t be able to overrule PEEOTUS. A zebra galloped about in Riverside, California. Some British Christians admitted to not buying into the resurrection. Conserv-a-jerks Sarah Palin, Ted Nugent and Kid Rock chilled at the White House with King Cheeto Fingers. Former baller and convicted killer Aaron Hernandez hung himself with a bedsheet, but not before giving himself stigmata with a red marker. Starbucks released the Unicorn Frap and the reviews from baristas and consumers are not great. Finally, the Crabs brought back “When Animals Get Pissed” and they covered a nonfatal but terrifying shark attack.