Measles cases surge thanks to antivaxxers. Trump wandered off the teleprompter during a speech about opioid abuse in what sounded like paranoia and delusion. Christo-nut Dave Daubenmire assured his mouth-breathing minions Hillary was indicted by jeebus. Apparently, Shitler lost his marbles backstage at a Mar a Lago event upon learning of some Mueller crap. The former head of Homeland Security was told to not mention the Russia probe in front of the rapist-in-chief. Fascist ham-faced Hannity went on an Easter tirade, moaning about the mainstream media reporting that his show is being used as pro-Russian propaganda on RT. Total load Rush Limbaugh entertained an idiotic caller claiming if the Mueller report accused Cheeto of crimes, the deplorables would rise up and waddle into the streets with their pea-shooters. Academy award winner Gwyneth Paltrow hosted a fundraiser for Pete Buttigieg. A kayaker in Hawaii was attacked by a shark. Kissing bugs carrying horrendous diseases were spotted in Delaware. In Brazil, a parrot trained as a lookout for drug dealers was brought into police custody. Also, white nationalist Congressman Steve King said he was like Jesus.
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