Another tired Trump racist rally popped off in Murica. At Shitler Fest, a vile deplorable was arrested for smacking the phone from a reporter’s hand. Fellow Dems slammed former VP Biden for wistfully reminiscing about his time in the legislature working with dead Dixiecrat segregationists. Joe also caught well-deserved backlash for his verbal fellation of billionaires during a campaign speech. Morning Joe busted man-baby for spotlighting the same African American man at multiple rallies. A sheriff’s department in California postponed watercraft training exercises when a 15-foot shark was spotted. A yuge python is on the loose in Alabama, roll tide. A Florida broseph discovered a gator stuck in his garage. Squirrels of anarchy are wreaking havoc on a high-speed internet project in Kentucky. The Crabs learned shenanigans involving a pool boy were probably at play behind Jerry Falwell Jr.’s endorsement of the Orange One over Ted Cruz. The United Nations reported the Saudi Crown Prince was involved in the murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi. The GOP appointed another dirtbag conserva-twunt to a lifetime judgeship. Finally, Pat and Ryan reviewed the origins of Juneteenth.
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