A poll named Obama most admired and The Donald must not be happy. Secretary of State John Kerry said the two state solution is the only good call for the Middle East. We learned which major American political party was most open to conspiracy theories. Debbie Reynolds suffered a stroke. After careful consideration by the Crabs, it was decided that none of Twitler’s cabinet appointments or nominees cares an ounce for the poor. PEOTUS got mocked by the Chinese in the form a giant Trump rooster. Senator Lindsey Graham donned his sassy pants and gave the Russians what for. To accommodate his daughter’s stupid, fancy wedding, a loony Chicago oligarch dumbly requested a downtown street closure. Due to a late night conversation with a cook at a Florida Waffle House, the Crabs reviewed the war heroics the late Star Trek star James Doohan. A Trumpalo screamed about Pizza-gate in the middle of a Catholic mass. In a moment of sad irony, a veterinarian big game hunter fell to his death whilst shooting birds. We learned about the complicated and onerous restrictions on “legal” marijuana in Florida. Speaking of the state that brought us Bush the lesser, Stand-your-ground laws increased murders there by a crapload. Finally, contrary to the ramblings of the Faux News ninnies, it was discovered food stamp fraud is not at an all time high.
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