CrabNation kicks off the weekend with these headlines: U.S. bombs Iraq #beentheredonethat; Texas deletes facts from textbooks to make them more friendly to sheeple that worship sky gods; a faux Democratic candidate wants the Bible back in school (like it ever left) and wants every American to join the NRA #WangDangSweetPoonTang; bigoted bridal shop is called out on social media for being jerk-offs; church cancels a funeral because they learned that the deceased was gay #WWJD. Finally, we learn the current top 5 songs in #Murica per Billboard and that homophones are just literary devices and have nothing to do with sexual orientation #I’mwithstupid.