CrabNation Friday brings all the loony headlines from Murica, including the following: Megyn Kelly, Fox-bot that constantly reminds her old, Caucasian viewers that Jesus and Santa are indeed lily-white, is as popular as ever #scary; a student editor of a high school newspaper faces a suspension for refusing to put the racist name of their football team in print; an official exorcist of the Catholic Church is warning of the dangers of an upcoming black mass in Oklahoma #HarryPotter; lawmakers are trying to save funding for science so we don’t end up stupid. Pat and Ryan are also joined in studio by comedian Brent Parris for a rundown of the top five songs and a history lesson that includes the filmography of Jm J. Bullock and Civil War upstart Cooter Brown.