Matt Gaetz is even creepier than we knew. The suspect who smashed his car into a barrier killed a Capitol Police officer. MLB announced they were moving the All-Star game in protest over Georgia’s evil anti-voting laws. The Crabs played crazy clips of Alaskan GOP Senate candidate Kelly Tshibaka speaking in tongues. Actor Michael Rapaport shared threatening DMs from basketball star Kevin Durant. Fascist Pillow oligarch Mike Lindell explained his new documentary and lawsuit will overturn the 2020 election and Shitler will be reinstalled as POTUS. Self-annointed prophet Hank Kummenan is super upset at those who poo-poo his omniscient status. QAnon conspiracist Francine Fosdick argued Trump and crappy FLOTUS never got the vaccine. Idiots in the Alabama Senate have objected to yoga being taught in schools because they believe it will cause kids to abandon Christianity for Hinduism. Evangelical load Franklin Graham blathered sky-god was responsible for freeing the ship blocking the Suez Canal. A Capitol riot suspect told a judge he didn’t require a GPS monitor because he’s Christian. A young baseball phenom said he won’t play on the Sabbath.
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